farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
