please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
