susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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