craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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