The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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