i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
