Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
