you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
