I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
