I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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