I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The Olympian is in my bed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
