I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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