dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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