Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
