That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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