how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
