I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
