She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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