was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it because I queefed?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize