When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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