SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is Oprah even human
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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