gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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