you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
