I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She is in my trunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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