O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
