do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
