he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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