There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
