I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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