Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
