Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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