I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
