Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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