I'm gonna have a badass scar
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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