hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
