forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A+ Viking dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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