Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
