You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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