Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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