I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize