Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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