In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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