I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
