she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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