remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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