this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
