Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
another moral hangover. fuck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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