Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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