I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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