Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize