i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
ttyl tear gas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
