As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
