i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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