I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize