I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
