I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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