In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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