my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
