i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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