bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
