Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
