Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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