some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
