We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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