The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
