Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
