Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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