i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
