its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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