That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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