she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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