she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
