If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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