did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
