I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
