apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
