I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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